Hi there, how are you?
It is me, Hana, again. Eh, wait, the new 30 yo Hana.
The new type of Hana, I think? Hehe.. Writing on this blog again from Starbucks GBK on my leave day.
I have to wait for this day when finally all my awkward things about the 30th birthday disappear and I can start to write down all my thoughts and feelings.
Maybe almost one month before my birthday, some thoughts constantly pop up in my head. These thoughts about the other pathways that I did not take in my life. The analysis starts from here.
The longest discussion and analysis is for the major that I really like but I can not pass. Called FSRD ITB, hehe. Too much "what if" when I think about that. What can I be right now if I keep pursuing that major? Becoming an illustrator rather than a psychologist? Or took a master's degree in Art Therapist? (win-win solution if after graduation I suddenly have a curiosity to learn about counseling or art intervention to help people?)
Who will I meet when I stay at Bandung during my college year? Did I become Teteh-teteh gaul Bandung? Or becoming an expert about Kuliner Enak Bandung- things?
The next analysis (or maybe the right word for this was "overthinking"?) is for my career. What if I choose to stay in my last company? or What if I join as PNS and build my career there? or What if I have the right amount of confidence and brave level to start my own private consultant?
And the third is about the business. What if I keep all my business before taking my master's degree and becoming a psychologist? Is my business keep growing and become a passive income for me? What if I turn around and continue the journey? Is it late?
Next about my husband. What if I said no to Bang Rizal? What will happen? Would Bang Rizal still reach out to me and give his best to ask me again about my decision? To get married to him? Or He will go and my chance to be married in my life was closed?
And another thought that comes and go about other pathways or chances.
But I know for sure. I can say that every decision that I took for maybe 25 years of my life, there was a junk decision but still a lot of good or maybe best decisions too.
Maybe I still have curiosity about the closed or unchosen door during my life, but I keep reminding myself that I can make or open another door. I can knock-knock on the new door in my next step.
I am forever grateful for all crossing or intersection paths that I found during this journey. I am forever grateful for all decisions that I made and their impact on me until this age.
Cheers, Hana Chan.
Keep wondering, keep exploring, life is full of surprises, enjoy the ride.
